=just breathe=

The last couple of weeks, I've been in the worst mood and I really can't put my finger on the reason. I know that life has been majorly stressful lately with money, lack of sleep, not enjoying my job, constantly feeling sick to my stomach and not seeing Michael very often, but never have I dealt with it this way. I mean, I'm not saying that I've never been mean and moody, those who know me know that's not true, but I'm extra moody lately and I'm taking it out on the people that I love. I'm sitting here on my lunch at work thinking about how I can overcome this. However, my mood is preventing me from thinking optimistic. So, I'm going to make a list of things that make me happy. By reading and writing it...it might help my mood.

• The way Michael's eyes look when he looks at me
• Michael's laugh
• Hailey's random kisses and hugs
• The way that Hailey smiles and says "HI!" when I walk into a room
• Hailey's laugh
• Waking up to see blue sky
• Vanilla tea
• My soft, warm bathrobe
• Slippers
• The first night sleeping in clean sheets
• The sun shining through my apartment on a mid Saturday afternoon
• The smell of fresh laundry
• A long, steaming hot shower
• Lazy Sunday mornings with both Hailey and Michael
• Game nights
• Ice cold CAN of Dr. Pepper
• Dancing with Hailey every night
• Spooning with Michael
• The way Hailey says "Pepper" (Sounds like pepour)
• How quiet it is on a night that it snows
• The way the sun feels beating down on me in a cool afternoon

Reading this list, I need to remember to just breathe when things are getting to me. I have a lot to be thankful for and I know there is more I could put on here. In fact, there is no excuse to be in the mood I am in. How quickly we let our moods over come us and forget of the things that truely make us happy. I feel better already, but the true test is when Michael gets home from work tonight.

=Stephanie=

=black tar=

Here at work, we have what we like to call black tar. What is black tar you ask? Why, it's our coffee. Yes, sick isn't it? A few months ago, more like 8 now that I think about it, we had a taste test in our lounge/break room. There were about 5 different coffees lined up for us to taste and vote on which was the best. Black tar is what was picked by the majority. It's horrible, there isn't enough creamer to make it taste better. It's thick, burnt and bitter. Sadly enough, most of us aren't paid enough to get REAL coffee...so we are stuck drinking our black tar. One of these days...I think it may kill me...lol.

I think I'm crazy because I LOVE TO CLEAN! There, I said it. I love to clean. I'm sitting here at work, with about 15 minutes left before I get to head home, and all I can think about is what I can clean when I get home. I'm anxious to start doing laundry and cleaning the bathrooms. I know...am I sick? I think I have a fever! Wait...yep, I do.

Well, off to job hunting...

=stressed out=

I'm starting to really stress out about money. Mine and Michael's cars have needed some work done to them and it's ended up costing a lot more than we had planned. My uncle was able to work on my car for minimum cost, but it wasn't cheap, but now Michael's car is needing struts and tires...luckily, his sister works at Les Schwab and can get us parts and tires at cost with no labor. However, it's still going to cost us around $500 or more. His tires are really bald...and it's a necessity and so are the struts of course, but I'm so tired of this. I get everything figured out, we get our tax return, pay off some stuff, get rid of payments just to turn around and have more. We are NEVER going to get ahead. Sara just called to tell me about his tires and now I'm stressed out to the point where I'm exhausted and my brain won't work. Just within the last 10 minutes...I don't know what to do anymore. We are never going to get a house...we are never going to be able to spend money on things that we want that aren't always necessities. If someone has an answer or knows what we could do, please...let me know...because I'm at a loss....I give up...

=easter day naptime=

Today is Easter...and it's already been full of events...and more are still to come. Hailey woke us up around 8:30. We laid there for another half an hour with her and then finally got to dragging our lazy butts out bed. As we walked out to the living room, the first thing Hailey spotted was a bright pink easter egg up on our fireplace. She then spotted her easter basket filled with goodies and headed straight for her pink easter ball with a picture of a bunny on it...yelling "basketball!" (To her, every ball is a basketball...thanks to her auntie, Nikki.) Then she began the easter egg hunt. She had an absolute blast with it. She would find one and throw it, yes literally throw it, into her basket and immediately start searching for the next. However, it took us a few eggs to show her that she didn't need to open every single one of them to get out the jelly beans, kisses and such. I can't believe she knew to open up the very first egg to get the treat...and get this, she knew how to open the kiss! I mean, pulling the string to open it! Crazy...she's way too smart. So, while she was searching for her eggs, she had chocolate all around her mouth and dripping not only down her shirt but her pants as well. It was a fun morning. Hailey and I then hopped into the shower (no pun intended) to get ready for church. She looked so adorable in her light yellow easter dress...so cute! I wish we had a camera. I know...sad, I don't have a camera. Later we will be heading to my moms house for a ham dinner with Matt and Jennie and my aunt and uncle. There, Hailey will be doing another easter egg hunt and I'm sure getting another basket full of goodies. Ah to be a kid again. I really do miss it sometimes. It is currently easter day naptime. Michael is laying here sleeping on a couch and Hailey is asleep in her room. I should be doing the same...hmm, I still have sometime. I might just do that.

The more I think about it, I would love to be a kid again. Carefree, full of energy, naptime everyday, playing all the time, getting dirty and not caring...kids, they have it so good and don't even realize it! :o)

Well, I'm going to go. I think I'm going to go snuggle with my cuddly teddybear hubby.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

=Stephanie=

=confrontation=

For those of you who don't know about the neighbor below us, let me fill you in really quick. She's an older lady, single, crazy hair, and scary face. She doesn't seem like a happy person at all. She is ALWAYS grumpy. Whenever I see her driving in, or out, of our complex, I smile and wave, and she looks at me and ingores me. Yeah, she's not too delightful. Well, she has pounded on her ceiling a few times to tell us to be quite, however, we are never usually doing anything out of the ordinary and it's usually before quite time...WELL before quiet time (10pm). Well, Saturday, Hailey and I were dancing around, our neighbors, Hanna and Jack, were over as well. It was about 5:30 and there she went, pounding on her ceiling. Well, I about had enough of that. It was after the office had closed, so, I went down and knocked on her door. Yes, I know...oops. Here is our conversation:

Me: "I just wanted to let you know that my daughter and I are dancing, if you have an issue with that, you need to contact Jean (our manager) and stop pounding on your ceiling."

I started to walk away when she said...

Neighbor: "You know, you've been nothing but a pain in the rear end ever since you moved in. I can hear you guys walking!"
Me: "It's an apartment! Plus, I can't help that I have a 300 lb husband and a year and a half old daughter."
silence...
Me: "You mean to tell me that I can't have any fun with my daughter?"
Neighbor: "That's right! You need to move into a bottom apartment."
Me: "Why don't you just move into a house."
Neighbor: "Why don't you?"
Me: "We can't afford it."
silence....
By this time...I'm a little hot headed...so I decided to add another issue to our discussion...lol
Me: "Another thing, could stop parking so close to my car." (I had left her a few notes asking her this very same question...)
I then turned and started to walk away as she yelled..
Neighbor: "You sure are a nice little one!" and slammed or door shut.
This is when I said quietly, "I usually am, but not to mean old B****s"...oops...lol. I was fine when the conversation started out, but you know, when she flat out told me that I couldn't have any fun with my daughter and her reasoning for having issues with us is because she can hear us walking around...yeah...I got a little frustrated. All I can say is that someone like that should not be living in an apartment. Anyways, after the confrontation, I went back upstairs to my apartment and called and left a message for the management...so did she. Lol. I got a call today from Jean, the manager, and she told me that she's just going to have to deal with it. Jean has no grounds to ask us to leave. That night, I got my sister to babysit and went out on a date with Hanna and Curtis. Yep, that's right, I was a third wheel! Michael was still in P-town. We went to the Spar for some food and then to the BroHo, BrotherHood, for a drink and some pool. That was my eventful evening.

Side note, I have an interview tomorrow at 10am. We'll see how that goes. They are bustin out all of the interviews tomorrow...so I should know this week. We'll see. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

I'm going to go. There's only a little bit of work time left...so I'm going to go "work". Haha...no really, I do have some stuff to do.

Chat soon...

=Stephanie=

Well, that was my eventful Saturday evening.

=all by myself=

I am currently husband and childless and LOVING IT! Michael is in Portland in a friends wedding and Jennie came and picked up Hailey around 10:30. I was actually able to take my time in the shower! I shaved and everything! It's great! I can't tell you the last time I had some time to myself to do whatever I wanted.....yeah, no, I really can't. It's fabulous. So, what are my plans today you ask? I have absolutely no idea! I think I may go to Target or something and just roam...all by myslef! Sad when you're excited to get to do nothing with no one else...isn't it? For those of you who have kids, you understand, for those who don't...just wait! It's incredible. If I had the money, I would go see a movie. But we are broke..sigh. I never thought I would be one that would go to a movie by myself, but right now it sounds great. Maybe I'll borrow a movie from my fabulous neighbors (they have tons) and watch one. I think I may end up going to my moms around 2 to play some cards.

Well, I'm off...sorry it's short. Write soon!

=Stephanie=

=first night alone=

Tonight is Michael's first night working at UPS....just the start of many. I'm so bored, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm convinced that by next week our apartment will be so clean that I won't have anything else to do. Wow, how lame is this? Michael is working 5 to like 2ish or so and then off to UPS from 5-9 at the earliest. He also works Saturdays and Sunday mornings, when am I ever going to see him? When is Hailey ever going to see him. When we got home today, Hailey went running straight to the Kitchen, looked around and then turned towards me and said "where's daddy?" I then told her, "hunny, daddy's working." She went running back to our bedroom and straight for our bed, trying to peak up there to see if he was there, the entire time yelling "dayye! dayye! bee! bee! (which is Hailianeze for daddy! daddy! babe! babe! Michael and I call each other babe, thus Hailey now calls us bee.) Anyways, tears came to my eyes...it was so cute. But to think she won't see her Daddy until Sunday. Man, that's so hard. This is ridiculous. We need to just win the lotto.

Tonight is going to be short. I'm tired and need to get some sleep...since Hailey will most likely get up in the middle of the night again. She has this horrible dry cough when she sleeps...ugh.

Night all..

=Stephanie=

=money: stupid=

I officially HATE money...well, I hate not having money. No matter what I do to better our situation, I feel like I'm not gaining any ground. Even though I know I am...and our situation will get better, it's already shown some improvement. I seriously feel like I look down the road of our finances and it's this long, straight stretch of road and it just continues getting smaller and smaller...with no end in sight. Will we ever get to where we want to be? I hate living paycheck to paycheck...I mean, what's the purpose to life if you can't live a little and spend some extra cash on yourself? Right? *wink* Once we get our tax return, our situation will be better than now, I am impatiently waiting for that day to come though...come IRS...any day now! Sheesh. If I had tons of money...here is what I would do....

• Start a college fund for Hailey (not just her savings acct)
• Tour Europe
• Buy a house or have it built
• Buy a whole new wardrobe, shoes included
• Get a brand spankin new LandCruiser...or that new Lexus that parallel parks itself
• Get a motorcycle and my motorcycle license
• Stop working here...and only work part time elsewhere, like starbucks..free coffee!
• Get a boob job...yes, I do want one...haha, sigh...to be a normal size...
• Possibly get a chin implant lol, haven't quite decided on that one yet
• Have the wedding, reception and honeymoon Michael and I deserve and didn't get

Those are just a few things....

Oh, so I applied for a new job here within the credit union. It's the Loss Control Specialist in the Fraud Department. So...cross your fingers! Well, who knows what will happen. I don't have much experience, but it doesn't hurt to try. But, I'm not getting my hopes up.

Well everyone...my lunch is over. Off to the DOL I must go (there's that Yoda syndrom again).

Peace...

=Stephanie=

=spring cleaning=

This weekend was very productive. Michael and I went through our storage unit as well as all of our clothing in our room. We took one big load to Value Village and I have another load to take tomorrow durning my lunch hour. It feels so good to get rid of all the junk. However, all the clothes we got rid of...we now have to replace. We've both gained some weight...in my case, I gained a butt, thighs and stomach, so most of our clothing didn't fit anymore. It was just there taking up some space. We now have so many extra hangers and room to hang the clothing we do wear that ends up on our floor most of the time from lack of space in our closet and drawers. Hahaha, it's great. Sadly, I realize that I have absolutely nothing to wear...sigh, someday I'll lose the weight that I want to lose. I'm working on it, but it's taking so long! Why does it take so long to lose the weight that took no time at all to gain? One of lifes many questions.

This daylight saivngs stuff is ridiculous...I hate the lack of sleep we get from this "spring forward" crap. Dumb...Michael and I may move to Arizona. Now those are some smart people! haha...

Well kiddos...it's time for some mommy and daddy time together...off to have some rum and coke I am. (apparently I'm Yoda tonight) Have a fabulous night...

Until next post..

=Stephanie Ann=

=strange things are happening=

I got the weirdest phone call this morning around 7:15am. It was a blocked call, but I answered it anyways, not really sure why, but I did. This is how the conversation went...keep in mind that the guy had a groggy voice, like he just woke up, and a strange fake accent....

Guy: "Good morning! Do you know who this is?"
Me: "No"
Guy: "You don't?"
Me: "No"
Guy: "Take a wild guess"
Me: "I don't know, who is this...?"
Guy: "You really don't know"
Me: "No"
Guy: "I'll give you a hint. Sweet kisses on the inside of your thighs." (yeah, i know, it's gets even more strange)
=Silence=
Me: "Who is this?"
Guy: "You don't know?"
Me: "No! Who is this?" (By this point, I'm getting really frustrated)
Guy: "I'll give you a hint. Sweet kisses on the inside of your thighs."
Me: "Who is this?!"
Guy: "This is James."
Me: "Who?"
Guy: "...James...is this Terry?"
Me: "...no."
Guy: (surprised) "It's not?"
Me: "No!"
Guy: "Oh, um...sorry"
=Click=

Yeah, is that not the stranges phone conversation you've ever heard? It freaked me out, quite honestly. I called Michael right after to make sure it wasn't him being dumb. He thought it was pretty funny...he even said, "wouldn't it have been even more strange if he actually knew your name?" ...thanks babe, love the support. Lol.

The last two days, I've been three people here at work, one of which is me. I have not only kept up with my own job, but I've done two others and all three are completely different. One of them is here, but her help is out because her daughter is having a baby, and the other is out sick. Yeah...I must say that I've been pretty darn busy. I should get some sort of recongition...you know, maybe a raise, or a bonus, gift card..whatever they would prefer. Lol.

Hailey woke up at 2am this morning...and ended up sleeping between Michael and I. It was the last resort, the only way she'd stop crying and sleep...and the first time it's ever happened. However, instead of sleeping vertically, she slept horizontally all night. Needless to day, Michael and I are pretty darn tired and didn't get much sleep last night.

Another strange thing...a friend from high school who is in the Air Force and has been stationed in Korea the last two years, came to a branch of my Credit Union looking for me today. I had someone tell me that he was in and wanted to see me and grab coffee. So the thing is...this guy is kinda clingy...I sent him a message a few days ago on facebook just to say hi and to see how he was doing, not aware that he was going to be in town. Now I've really set myself up for an awkward situation. I don't want to see him, I just thought I would see how he was...now, he wants to grab coffee. He is now tell me to call him...he is only in town until Thursday. Would it be completely rude of me not to call? Or do I send him another message saying that I'm busy the next couple of days. I am...so I wouldn't be lying. Ugh...what do I do. Melissa, you know him...help!

Okay...well, I'm off..I guess I should work some more. Haha....

Later!

=Stephanie=

=exciting? no=

Today has gone by really really slow...and it's been GREAT! I love when I can cherish my weekend, spending time with family, friends. It started out with Hailey waking me up at the crack of dawn, which seems to be a trend lately. After laying around for about an hour or so, we took a shower. It's always fun taking a shower with Hailey. She definitely makes it a great experience, squiring fish, basketballs, etc. After the shower, it was off to pay Mario Cart. Hailey pretended of course...and I got to practice so maybe some day, I can actually beat Michael. (I'm not that good....) Michael came home from work around 11 and Meg and Aaron stopped by for a few hours. We played some more Mario Cart and chatted for a while. Around 4:30, Hailey, Jack and I headed to the park where we played on the slide and swings with the whipping COLD wind. The blue skies were definitely decieving. That now brings us current. Sitting here, Michael and Curtis are at the gym and Hailey and I are watching some Wheel of Fortune...fun stuff....kinda.

Tomorrow, my day will be filled with kids, meetings and family. I got suckered into working the nursery at church tomorrow...ugh. Then I'm off to a meeting straight from there for a potential bride. After which Michael and I are planning to spend some family time...not sure what we will do but it'll be nice to have some time together. We don't get that too often. You know what I would really love? Some Michael and me time...that NEVER happens. I miss it...we get so caught up in life and parenthood that we forget to take time out for each other. Plus, it's hard with a little one. It would be so nice to be able to go to a movie or lunch or even just coffee together tomorrow....sigh...maybe we can find a babysitter. lol...right.

You know what I don't get? When people paying Wheel of Fortune know the puzzel and spend their money buying vowels and then solving the puzzel rather than just solving it and saving the money you just spent on the vowels that you didn't need to buy! It is so frustrating! The puzzel is so obvious and you can tell they know it....what is the point!? Why? Why I ask...why? Whatever...

That was my rant for the day.....

Well, I think this may be all for this post. I'm going to spend some quality time with Hailey before daddy gets back...maybe hyper her up on some chocolate milk and see if Nikki wants to come watch her tonight...haha. Wouldn't that be fun!?

Chat soon...

=Stephanie=