No TV Tuesdays/Thursdays

This post is a little bit lighter than the last one...just a tad. :)

It is so easy for our family to get sucked into Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night after dinner. Even Hailey asks what time it is, knowing that it all starts at 7. She LOVES the shows. She'll even sing the intro to both. She'll sit with us yelling out letters during Wheel of fortune and weird random questions during Jeopardy. "Who is elephant?!" We love the fact that our kiddo loves to watch the game shows we love and grew up watching. However, this can cause a problem when we get home, cook dinner, eat dinner and spend an hour watching game shows just in time for Hailey to go to bed. Where is our time to spend doing something...productive? So, michael and I chatted and came up with a rule....No TV Tuesdays or Thursdays. We know Hailey loves the shows, as do we, so we didn't want to cut them out completely. We love our solution. We get to play Mickey Mouse Bingo, Princess Memory, work on writing letters and numbers, build a fort, watch a special movie...anything Hailey wants to do. It's a blast.

Tuesday night was play-doh night. While Michael and Hailey spent their time making snakes and pizzas, this is what I did....

Lets just say that I LOVE play-doh! :)

No TV nights...best idea ever.... :)

Are you there God? It's me, Stephanie....

I’m lost and trying to be found….or I guess, find my way back.

I stopped going to church over a year ago. I didn’t plan on not going. I wanted to go, I needed to go, but I hit a rough patch in life. I became depressed and I secluded myself from most around me. In the past, I clung to God during hard times. He was always my rock in unstable territory. I grew up in the church. I honestly can’t remember a time when I didn’t attend unless I was sick or out of town. I can even attending church at the age of 2…yes, I actually have memories; singing songs, giving pennies for offering and Drew, my Sunday school boyfriend. He was cute.

When we moved from California to Washington, my mom was in search of a church…the very first church we attended, we stayed at. It fit. From there, my mom became involved in many areas. She helped with the food pantry, the Thanksgiving baskets for families who needed them and the church programs, along with many other misc jobs. For a while, she was even helped out with the youth group, when my sister was attended and continued through some of my youth group days. Everything she helped with, I helped with too. I taught me to give back and I soon learned to love the church I was at. I was in youth group skits, church plays, a cell group (youth small group) leader, on the youth board, you name it and I did it. Church was my life and God was my purpose. Like I said before, God was my rock. I believed that no matter what happened, He had His hand in it. My main motto was that everything happens for a reason and God wouldn’t give you anything that you can’t handle. ‘“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”’ –Jeremiah 29:11. I lived by scripture and believed that with God on my side, nothing could get me down. Sure, life had was hard…I went through things at a young age that most have never had to worry about, but I didn’t let that get to me because God would pull me through. I had faith.

So…what changed?

Here I was, new to marriage and mommy-hood. My husband had survived a tour in Iraq and had made it home safely. I had survived a hard labor, a miracle for sure, and had an amazing, beautiful daughter. We were on our own, which we never thought we’d be able to do, and making it. We had a core group at church who we met weekly with. They were a great group. Looking back, I see the positive in my life at that time, but when I was living it…I didn’t. I was post-partum, which lasted long enough for it to be considered depression, and Michael was suffering from PTSD. Behind closed doors, our home was not a happy place. I can tell you that I’m honestly surprised Michael and I are together still, but I’m thankful that we are. With everything going on in life, my attendance to church started to dwindle. It went from every Sunday to some Sundays. From there…it went to once every month or so. From there, I became a seasonal churchgoer. I actually became one of those people who only showed up during the Holidays. I was lost…I was hurt and struggling…and when I needed God the most, I felt that I had lost Him. It all sort of happened without me realizing it. I guess when you start to slip it’s usually a slow process, so gradual that it’s not hard to miss.

As I realized what happened, I started to evaluate the situation. I started to get a skewed view on all of the events. I actually started placing blame…not on myself, but others. I realized that no one reached out. No one noticed the steady decline in attendance….and no one reached out when they noticed the absence. This, of course, made me angry. The church that I had attended for thirteen years had let me slip and wasn’t doing anything to help. All of the friends and mentors I had made had completely dismissed the fact that I was in trouble. I dwelled on this for a long time…a few years actually. Dwelling on this, also made me angry at God. How come He didn’t “put my name on someone’s heart” (something I had heard so many times growing up)? How come He let my struggles go unnoticed? That…that is when I put up my wall. My heart hardened and I started doubting everything I had learned in my life…everything that I believed to be so true. I started doubting if God even existed. If He did, where was He? I’ve never doubted my faith…ever. I’ve never doubted if God existed, or if the stories I heard growing up were true.

It took me a long time to get to the point where I realized that something was missing in my life. I’ve been debating for a long time to start going to church again. It has been a really tough decision. One of the girls I coach on cheer, Kristina, is actually the reason I wanted to go back. She reminded me of how I was in high school. She’d rather be at church in the fellowship of others. She’s involved and excited about God. I longed for that excitement again. I knew I wanted to go back, but I still struggled for a few months. I’ve been lost for so long that I feel like I won’t be able to go back…to be accepted again. Not by the people of the church, but from God. I’ve been doubtful and honestly, I still doubt a little. I have been hurt and have been feeling extremely let down.

So, I’m back…and I hope I can figure some things out. I hate where I am, and how I am feeling. I want to be that example for those around me and especially for my daughter. I want people to look at me again, like I did Kristina, and wonder what makes me the way I am. So…are you there God? It’s me…Stephanie…I'm ready to come home...

I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near

To Spend or Not to Spend....

I'm going to start by giving you a little bit of background....

I grew up at a very young age. When I think back on my childhood and growing up, I can tell you that I remember worrying about important issues more than going out and having fun. Money was always a concern in my family growing up. I remember my mom basically balancing the checkbook down to zero. There were times when we had no idea how we were going to eat or how we were going to fix our car, or even if our car was going to work another day. I learned to make do with what I had and I too took on my mother’s concerns of our well being and financial issues.

Growing up that way had its advantages. I learned to not take things for granted. I also learned how to save and shop sales and deals and that if I didn’t have the money for something that I wanted, that wasn’t a necessity, that I needed to work for it and save until I could buy it. I also learned to know the things I should pay full price for and of course, everything you want will eventually go on sale. My sister is not one to shop sales. At least she wasn’t before she had her little one. There was a sweatshirt that Jen and I both wanted. She bought it right away and paid $40 for it (it was a Gap hooded zip up). I waited a few weeks and paid $10. :)

In addition to its advantages, it also has disadvantages. I’ve learned to be pretty frugal. I’m more of a saver than a spender. I do love to spend and when we have the money, I love spending it, but I prefer to save. Saving is a safety net for me. Having that money there as a back up literally makes me feel safe. I would rather put money into savings or additional on to a loan to pay it down faster...to better my situation. Because of this...I've never really truly had fun. It's hard for me to spend drop a lot of money all at once. I spend it little by little, eventually equaling up to the same amount that I would spend at once, but that seems safer to me.

So, here is my predicament....our tax return. Every year we put it towards our bills and savings. We never spend it on anything fun. The problem is, we really need to play it safe, but we are getting tired of not living life....me especially. So, should we spend it on something fun, or should we play it safe like normal and hopefully, some day, get to the point where we can live a little...???

I'm Back...

So, I'm back in the blogging world. I have realized what my problem is....I'm very rarely on the computer when I'm at home. So, here I am, making a promise to myself to log on at least long enough to tell about my day or life happenings. I'm not saying I'm going to be on here every day, but I'm going to push myself to blog at least once a week. Cross your fingers..... :)

Let's play some catch up:

I've been trying to think of big events in my life since my last full blog....and it has been hard to pick them out. It has been a year since my last post and I'm sad to say that nothing really exciting has happened. We have moved into a house, a rental, but at least it's not an apartment. Having a back yard and a neighborhood to take walks in is awesome. The house is super cute and perfect size for us. 1442 square feet of fabulous living. :) Hailey has a room that is twice the size of what she was in before and Michael and I have a room that we can actually move around in AFTER putting a king sized bed in it. The only downfall of the house is that the neighborhood is in the middle of a construction project that's been going on for quite some time and will continue until November. At one point, every way we could possibly go from our house to town we'd hit construction. Luckily some of the other construction is done, or put on hold, so we have some way to get to where we need to go without it taking twice as long as it should. It is annoying though.

Hailey is enjoying preschool as are Michael and I. We still think it's the best move we've done for her. She's learning a lot and has made some great friends. Michael works for Les Schwab downtown. He enjoys it, for the most part. I think he mostly enjoys the people. He has always been a people person...so this job fits him.

Michael and I just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has been 5 years. It's amazing how fast time goes by. The weird thing is, when I think back on the day of our wedding, it seems like forever ago, however, when I think about it being 5 years of marriage, it doesn't seem that long at all. Michael and I spent the weekend in Woodinville, WA. I know, not that exciting, but it was nice and relaxing. We went to the Chateau St Michelle winery and did their free tour and tasting. It was a lot of fun. They have my favorite Riesling. We planned on going to a few more wineries, but by the time we were done with the tasting at Chateau St Michelle's, I was done. Hahaha! I'm a lightweight for sure, cheap date. It was a great weekend.

It's such a beautiful day out...so we are going to head outside for a bit. Chat soon!

Coming Soon.....

I'm going to attempt to blog again. We'll see how it goes. So.....expect something soon!

=tasty tuesday=

Beef Stew

Prep: 5-10 minutes
Cook: 45 minutes

1 lb stew meat
2 small beef bouillon cubes (or 1 big one)
1/4 tablespoon oil
2 cups water
flour
salt
pepper
1 small sweet yellow onion
1 small bag of baby carrots
1 can diced tomatoes, italian style, undrained
1 can corn, drained
1 can green beans, drained.

Preparation: Cut stew meat into bite sized pieces. Salt and pepper to taste then dredge in flour. Slice onion and cut baby carrots into 3rds.

Directions:

1. Heat oil in bottom of stew pot. Place meat in pot and brown.
2. Once meat is brown, pour in water until it is just barely covered (about 2 cups). Add carrots, onions, can of tomatoes and beef bouillon cubes. Cover and simmer for about 30-35 minutes.
3. Add can of corn and green beans, simmer for 5-10 more minutes.

We love this recipe! It is so easy and makes a large pot of food. The three of us can eat off of it for a few days...or we can feed a large group of about 5-6 people. LOVE IT!

=grumpy=

It's been hard for me to blog lately. Not really sure why though, but I haven't really been feeling it. I want to...and I get ideas about what to write about...then I just don't. I don't have access to this at work and that's when I tend to be on the computer. When I'm at home, I don't really do anything. The weekends, I rarely even check facebook. I just don't. I'm lame...

I don't have much to say other than I'm grumpy, Hailey is in bed, Michael is out with a friend and I have nothing to do. We only have a few channels now and I guarantee there's nothing on...so I think I'll get comfy, make some tea and either read a book or watch a movie. Not sure, but I'm kind of looking forward to my time to relax by myself. I don't get that very often. It's funny, when Michael worked UPS, he was never home and this is all I did....evenings were to myself and I hated it. Now, I long for it. Weird. Not all the time, just occasionally. Hmm...

Well, I'm off. That's it for now. I leave you with possibly one of the cutest pictures of Hailey taken this year...


My beautiful baby girl....she's so gorgeous!