=monday-tuesday=

Today is Monday-Tuesday...one of my favorite days of the week...however, I love Thursday-Friday even more. All I can do is sit here and think about the weekend...and wishing it wasn't over. I didn't do much, but it always seems to go by too quickly.

I don't know why I'm here...at work that is. I'm not sure why I'm not taking bereavement leave, even if it is deducted from my own personal sick time. I thought I would be okay, but I'm really not. I can't get rid of this knot in my throat and I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. We are training a new girl today, so I'm covering a few different positions. Normally I'd be okay, but not today. Would it be a bad thing if I asked for tomorrow off? Maybe even the rest of today?

Here are a few things that MIGHT make me feel better....

• Oreo Overload from Cold Stone...

• Sappy romance movie

• Copy of hot tea

• and a nice comfy spot on the couch...

=RIP Grandpa Bill=

My grandpa passed away sometime between 4:30 and 5 this morning. He had been having some trouble breathing lately, so my dad got up around 4:30 to check on him. He was still breathing at that time....he went out and fell asleep on the chair until about 5. At that time he got up to check on my grandpa again....he wasn't breathing. Hospice picked him up around 7:30...I got the phone call around 7:15....

I'm not doing all that great...Michael said we could go out and buy some things to decorate our bedroom, since it's the only room we haven't done anything in....lol...he knows the way to make me feel better. Coffee and decoration shopping. He's been great. We are also going to bbq some hamburgers in honor of Grandpa Bill...

RIP Grandpa Bill...

=not doing so well=

I'm not doing so good. I'm not handling the situation with my grandpa all that well. I'm blank, my mind is blank. All I do at work is sit here...unable to answer questions, literally can't answer questions because nothing is going through my mind except my grandpa...and the last few things he said to me before we left. We were talking about how beautiful Hailey was, he made sure he told me a few times evertime we saw him. He then told me that I was in a league all of my own when I was little and even more so now that I'm grown. It makes my heart smile...even thinking about it...and it makes me choke up as well. He always told me to make sure I took care of Hailey and to make sure she never cried. But what is really sticking with me is that he would always apologize...nothing in particular, just apologize. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Is what he would say...like he's letting us down. That....that makes me want to cry. I just can't understand...and it's all I can think about.

I talked to my dad last night, my grandpa isn't doing well. He's slowly, but quickly, deteriorating. He no longer knows who my dads wife is and hasn't gotten out of bed since Monday. They have to force feed him because he won't eat or drink on his own. My dad sounds really worn out. He was taking a walk when I first called. His wife, Crystal, said that he takes at least 4 or 5 walks a day just to be able to unwind and relax. i actually talked to my grandpa on Tuesday night....all he could say was "I love you too" and "take care of the gorgeous girl"....

I haven't really been able to cry either. I've broken down three times. Once the day we left to go see him, the day we got back and then last night. The last two times have been when Michael asks me how I'm doing. I've tried crying on my own....but I can't do it. Last night, I finally broke down again...it felt great, but it sucked.

Why is life so hard at times....

I don't want to be here...at work that is...I can't work anyways...and all I want to do is cry...

=update=

So, my grandpa is back at my dads house, no longer in the hospital. Hospis will visit everyday...he is not "actively" dying, but he is dying. So basically, could be a week, or a month...knowing my grandpa, it'll be closer to a month or two. He's stubborn...he's awesome...he's cute. I'm going to miss him...always my favorite. (not that my other grandpa wasn't cool). Anyways, we were supposed to leave tonight, but we changed our flight to Sunday so we can hang out with our brother a little bit, he's been working all week. He's not handling it all that well.

Here is me and my grandpa at my sisters rehearsal dinner in 2004.



More good news is that it's in the low 100's here....and today, we laid by the pool for a few hours today. I'm getting a great tan. It's nice to have some color. Hailey loves the pool. She jumps in, I catch her of course, but sometimes she goes running to somewhere I'm not to jump in without me. Haha...my little dare devil. Oh! She loved the plane ride as well. As we were skidding to a stop on the runway, literally skidding, she was laughing. Yeah, she'll be on the rollercoasters with Michael and I for sure.

Anyways, I'm going to go now. I'll update more later...

=Stephanie=

=i'm in cali=

I'm in Sacto, CA...my sister and I made plans on Monday spur of the moment to come down here that night. My grandpa is not doing well, and this is probably the last time I will see him. His kidneys are failing, he has heart failure and has fluid in his lungs. He has decided to go home and just wait to die. Please pray for me and my family. I'm here until Friday..I'll update later...

=our little adventure=

Saturday was a fun day. We woke up early and headed out to Michael's mom's for breakfast...strada. She made me a special one with bacon since I don't like sausage. It was delicious! After breakfast, we all headed out to start our adventure garage saling. Indian Summer was having their annual neighborhood garage sale so the gates were open! For those of you who don't know, Indian Summer is a ritzy gated community here in Lacey. VERY nice homes! Listed anywhere from $400K to over a million. There were a lot for sale and for Rent. It was fun checking out the flyers. We didn't find much at the garage sales...everything tended to be over priced. Go figure. It was a gorgeous day out, so it was nice just walking around.





After the garage sale, we all went back to our place, at some Eagens for lunch and relaxed for a few hours. Then it was off to the park! Hailey played on the slide and swings...the rest of us played catch, frizbee and did some cartwheels (or for some of them, tried to do cartwheels hahaha)





My cousin was in town all last week, so Friday night, my sister, brother in law, Michael, cousin Rick and I went out to O'Blarneys. Well, I had just given Hailey a bath and while I was getting ready to head out, she was playing in my closet, like normal. Taking my shoes out, rearranging them, taking them back out, putting them back to normal. She does it often. Next thing I know, she has put on my shoes...not just any shoes...my pointy toe sling-backs that I wear for work...



Then she switched it up and decided to put on my stilletos...haha. She did great walking around in them all. She's adorable.



Well, that's all for now. More to come soon. I'm out at the reception desk at work today for a few hours...maybe I should actually work on some work. Hahaha...

Have I mentioned that I love having my camera working again?

Peace out!

=Stephanie=

=bored=

I'm bored...just thought I'd let you guys know. I'm here at my moms new house just hanging out. Not really doing much. I'm waiting for Michael to finish up with the windows at my moms old house...he's washing them for the new owners. Then we are off to dinner at his moms house. Yeah...like I said, I'm bored...

That's all..