=for everything, there is a reson=

It's another lonely night without Michael. I'm sitting here with the TV on for company, steaming some mixed veggies (I had a random craving for some at 10pm) and I can't help but think about how my life would be if I didn't have Hailey. Michael and I were engaged to be married and I was just starting to do some research on wedding stuff when I found out I was pregnant. It's was a surprise...and I wasn't so thrilled, at the time that is. I was attending the Art Institute of Seattle studying Interior Design and loving it. I had just started my second quarter. I was still living with my mom, commuting up to Seattle 4 days a week..my day beginning at 4:30am. My first class started at 7:30 and if I didn't leave by 5:15, I would be at least 30 minutes late because of traffic. By heading out the door by 5:15, I got to school around 6:45 am. I hated it, but the classes made up for it. I had a really hard pregnancy...I was extremely sick for pretty much all of it. All but one month. It became way too hard for me to get up that early and be ready for the day....so I had to drop out. I had every intentions of coming back the next quarter when I felt better, but that never happened. Michael found out he was going to Iraq a few months before I found out I was pregnant. Our plan was to get married in July of 2007 after he returned. When I found out I was pregnant, our thought process changed. I wasn't working at the time and I was covered under my moms health insurance. But what about the baby? We decided to get married before he left to make sure the baby and I were taken care of if something were to happen to Michael (thank goodness nothing did). We got engaged December 31, 2005 and I found out I was pregnant January 16, 2006...we got married January 29, 2006 and Michael left for Iraq February 7, 2006. It was a whirlwind of events...still all kind of a blur. Where would I be now if that all didn't happen? I'm not really sure. I would probably still be attending school...and only have a year left to go before I would get my BFA. Michael and I would only have been married for a few months...instead of 2 years. Michael would probably still be in the Marines and I would have transferred to the Art Institute of California San Diego to be with him. It's crazy to think that my piorities have change so much since Hailey's birth. Before, my life was about school and graduating. Now, it's all about her and supporting my family. The more I think about it, the more I realize there is no way of knowing where I would be. Would I still be in school? Would Michael and I have gotten married? Would I still be working at the job I'm at? All of this is uncertain...yet, I still wonder...even though, everything happens for a reason. Michael changed a lot after Iraq. He changed so much that I didn't know who he was for about a year after. He wasn't the same Michael...at all. He suffered from PTSD, still does a little, but definitely not like he did. As for me...well, pregnancy changes a person. I suffered from PPD for a long time. We both went through our own personal struggles as well as dealing with each other. Because of this...I think I could honestly say that I don't think we would have gotten married. I loved him through all of it...and I know he loved me, but our love was weak and uncertain and without Hailey...there probably wouldn't be a Mr. and Mrs. Michael Carey. I believe deep in my heart that Michael and I are meant for each other. We've struggled a lot and grown so much over the last 2 years. I wouldn't say that we got married because of Hailey, but I truely believe that she is the reason we are together today...I thank God for that. Hailey is truely a blessing, in more ways than one.

God has a purpose for our life...we just have to realize that He wouldn't put us through anything that we can't handle. We need to trust Him and know that He is in control. I often times for get this....more often than not....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11